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  • Cheer Squad Orchestration

    Chapter by smatster · 21 Oct 2025
  • The Squad have trouble unifying their actions.
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  • The third morning in the new house dawned with a soft, pearly light, but inside our shared head, it was a groggy, chaotic mess. The seamless unity we’d achieved during the bathroom crisis of the first day had, apparently, been a fluke born of desperation. This was the reality of waking up with seven distinct consciousnesses, all struggling toward coherence at different speeds.

    The problem began, as it often did, with a rumble. A deep, resonant need that reverberated through our colossal form, pulling us from our collective slumber. But this time, instead of a unified front, it was met with a jumble of half-asleep, uncoordinated responses.

    “Mmph... someone’s gotta...” Chloe’s thought trailed off into a mental yawn.
    “Five more minutes...” Hannah mumbled, her consciousness trying to burrow back into sleep.
    “The body requires elimination,” Maya stated with sleepy logic, but made no move to act.

    Before Josh or I could take charge, the body moved on autopilot. It was a drunken stumble toward the master bathroom, guided by a committee of sleep-addled cheerleaders playing a bizarre game of hormonal tag. Whoever was most awake at any given second had the con, but only for a moment.

    We slumped onto the cold porcelain of the giant toilet. The moment our cheeks made contact, a small, surprised fart escaped. It was a high, fluttering note.

    “Hey! I wasn’t ready!” Zoe’s voice chirped, suddenly alert.
    Control shifted. The body tensed slightly, and another fart, this one lower and more decisive, echoed in the tiled room.
    “Oops, my bad,” Hannah giggled, her consciousness surfacing.
    “Would everyone please focus?” I tried to mentally shout, but my voice was lost in the fog.

    For twenty solid minutes, it was a symphony of futility. The body would shift, a different girl would accidentally seize control for a second, produce a random toot, and then lose focus. It was a musical chairs of flatulence, with no one actually achieving the goal. We produced a startling variety of sounds—short puffs, long drones, a few comical squeaks—but nothing of substance. The actual pressure and need continued to build, a dull, painful ache beneath the farcical performance.

    Inside, it was pandemonium. Stacey’s consciousness snapped to attention, a general roused by the incompetence of her troops.

    “Okay, knuckleheads, enough!” she barked, her mental voice cutting through the fog. “We’re not doing the musical farts again! We have a system! Josh, get …
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